i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
