The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
