at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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