So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
