Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
