Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
