Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
