I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
