kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
