im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
