i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
