I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
