i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize