I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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