Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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