And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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