I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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