She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i've created a new STD.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
