We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
