i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
