sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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