I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You were trust falling into bushes
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
