On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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