i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
