Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
