PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
