I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
