I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I need to calm my uterus...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
