I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
