so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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