Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
When did we convert life to cartoon?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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