I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
