dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
