can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
