Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Then you guys just all showered together...?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
