she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
