I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
