Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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