Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
