I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
