I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
