WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
