Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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