You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Randomize
