Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
