***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
