you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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