did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
