I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
