I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
