My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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