something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
