Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
