Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
