so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
