his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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