Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
