You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
