So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
