I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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