AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
