He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
did you just send me my own nude
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize