I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
